Where Control and Choice Meet
So much of this life is out of our control.
But I’ve always felt we have to be careful about using that common knowledge as our north star. We are still very much active participants in our own lives. At this point I’ve used that phrase so many times I should probably coin it. But it’s true. Somewhere in that middle ground is where the real truth lives.
I think I understood this to an extent very early on in my childhood. I remember feeling aware that my choices mattered, even when most of my circumstances were unfair. That awareness could feel isolating. It was hard to connect with people who didn’t want to acknowledge their own role in their lives. And if I am honest, I still wrestle with that in adulthood.
Two things can be true at once.
Yes, there are forces outside of us.
And yes, we are still responsible for how we move within them.
To say your entire life is a result of outside factors is an easy way to avoid responsibility. It’s a comfortable narrative. It keeps your hands clean. It keeps you as the good guy in your own story.
I know there have been so many times in my own journey where I’ve had to check myself and ask, what could I have done differently? What could I be doing right now to be more aligned with myself and my core desires?
Those aren’t always easy questions. Sometimes they’re extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes the answer requires big changes.
But for better or worse, every choice we make along this journey leads to something. If you look around at your life right now, you will see the accumulated results of those choices. The big ones. The small ones. The conscious ones. The ones we make without even realizing it.
Maybe the real work is not trying to control everything.
And it’s not surrendering all ownership either.
Maybe the real work is learning how to stand in the tension between the two.
And maybe it starts with better questions.
Where in my life have I blamed circumstances?
Where have I taken responsibility and seen change because of it?
What does that middle ground actually look like in my real, everyday life?
What choice am I avoiding right now because it feels easier to point outward?
♥️
With love,
Desiree